come urinary tract infections.

God. Make it go away.

How should I say this? Where should I begin?

My name is K and I am no longer a phone sex virgin.

How did that sound?

Tell me its okay.  Tell me everyone does it.  Tell me you have.  Tell me I wont get pregnant.

Lets just hope that the prospect is just as attentive as he is descriptive.  Swooooooon!

Note:  I was going to post this picture instead of the above but then I thought about it and I had phone sex last night which means I am uber sexy, mature, and confident. Right?  This is not a time for jokes!

Draw penises?!?

Not like I needed one but I found myself doodling at work yesterday (forgive me I am not a great artist) -

Yes my friends that is my poor doodle of a penis.  My idle hands drew a penis.  Can you tell what I am lacking?

Im thinking about volunteering at a brothel.

Want to get personal?

L and I got into quite a personal conversation the other day on the way to our endless soup, salad, and breadstick lunch date. As I have said before L is my brother’s girlfriend of 8-years, needless to say we dont talk about her sex life. I have always felt a tad bit uncomfortable talking about mine but things are changing. We are both maturing - we are late bloomers damnit! L claimed she was a virgin until about a year ago when she confessed she was indeed not a pure innocent virgin. SHOCK! Not.

Anyways..

I was the girl who claimed she slept with guys but didnt. I wanted to feel “cool” within my group of friends. I wanted so badly to fit in that I lied - I guess some can argue this approach was better than doing things I didnt feel comfortable doing but I was never secure with myself which is never a good thing.

I lost my virginity at the ripe age of 21 to the first greek ass I dated (the guy I was going to go out for drinks with the other night). Even he, as impossible as this may sound, didnt know I was losing my virginity to him. I hid it. I felt ashamed. Why did I lose my virginity? Nothing but curiosity. We were only dating for about two months before I decided I was going to go for the plunge and if I could have it a different way I would have slept with my first boyfriend, we had an 8 month relationship and I didnt give it up. I was 20 years old and he was 23 years old. Needless to say he cheated on my ass but then again I didnt confess to him I was indeed the big “V”. No excuse. There is never an excuse for cheating.

My next sexual partner was the “abusive ex” who I wont speak of much on this blog because it was a shitty relationship that I dont like to relive. He lowered my self-esteem to NOTHING and I gave it up because I thought he was KING but he was far from it. We were together off and on for about a year until I was strong enough to get the fuck out and escape the emotional abuse.

I left this relationship with a self-esteem ricktering the scales at ZERO. I remained single for approximately a year.

I wasnt looking for anyone but I met the ExAss. Our coffee date became a 2-year relationship. We took things slow but we both fell hard. He treated me so much better than the abusive asshole and I had mature feelings for him. This was the first time in my life that I uttered the L word, it was after about three months of us dating exclusively. I had expectations but kept them hidden. We slept together after about 2 months and we slept together because I wanted to. I felt it was time and I trusted him. I was so nervous and scared. I covered my eyes when we had sex for the first couple of months! I told L this the other day and she couldnt believe it. Yup.. Im not a sex goddess.

As time went on I fully trusted him with everything. I became that sex goddess because he helped me feel beautiful and accepted me for me. (getting a little watery eyed) For the first time in my life I was confident and unfortunately I must give some credit to him.

When we broke up that confidence diminished - I lost it all. This is what I get for having a crutch. You cant love yourself using someone else to help you out. It doesnt work that way.

Where am I now? Well, Im gaining the self-confidence I need to establish on my own before persuing a relationship. Its a slow hard process that I am willing to work hard at. For the first time in my life I know I deserve this.

I have been throwing around the words “one night stand” and “summer fling” around quite a bit. I expressed my thoughts with L and really I dont think I am “that” girl. Unfortunately, I dont think I have it in me. I really say this truthfully. I wish I was more of a free spirit who did what she felt. Im dont putting thought into this aspect. If a one night stand or summer fling comes along then it does and we will see if I reject or accept but Im not the girl who goes out looking. I do know with L’s help that I am not going to waste my 1st one night stand or 1st summer fling on the guy who took my virginity, Ex Greek Ass #1.

What does my future hold? I guess we will all have to wait and find out.