I have learned quite a few things and be forewarned many are clique…

1.  You have to look at unemployment as something positive and that positivity has to begin the moment you are laid off or fired.

2.  Take advantage of many of the things you couldn’t do or weren’t as easy to do when employed.  The little things; such as shopping during non-peak hours, visiting museums on FREE or discounted days, neighborhood farmer’s markets, free workshops offered by your community, garage sales, book clubs, etc.  Really this list could be endless.

3.  Pick one thing you have always wanted to learn and learn it.  Whether that be a computer program, instrument, sport, etc.  As you progress, stop to give yourself a pat on the back.

4.  Pamper yourself with at-home manicures, pedicures, facials, etc.

5.  Visit family and friends who are out of state and willing to let you crash with them.  Airfare can often be found at a reasonable rate when you have a large open window of when you can travel.

6.  FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY

7.  Finding romance when your unemployed isn’t impossible and you should embrace it if it happens to come your way.  Hey look at Armani and me.

8.  Don’t worry as much as you want to about your finances as God never gives us more than we can handle.  Things work themselves out.  By all means I do not mean not pay your bills but embrace the little budget you have and work with it.

9.  NEVER EVER give up and when you do pick up the phone and call a close friend or family member.  Remember you are unemployed and that does not equal destined for failure, rather open to new opportunities.

10.  Get your life in order.  You have the time to organize your piles of paperwork, overflowing closet, and small projects around the house.  I found doing small at home projects to be the most rewarding work I have ever done.  Give it a try. Swing a hammer.

11.  COOK!

12.  Most importantly remember you are not alone and when one door closes another door opens.

I jumped the gun in my last post as I do not start work until this Wednesday, tomorrow. SQUEEL. I am all sorts of nervous but excited and full of energy.

I am still in lala land over my new job which starts MONDAY.  I am going through a 2 day orientation and then my first REAL day of employment is Wednesday. I am pretty sure I will get zilch sleep on Sunday night anticipating Monday as if it was Christmas.  I am that EXCITED.  I mean it has been 18 months since I was given the ol’ heave-ho from my last position

I have been busy getting everything I need to get in order before I rejoin the workforce.  WHICH has been quite the fricking project.  It depresses me that it took getting a job to get my ass in gear.  What have I been doing for the past 18 months? Which leads me to my next question. Why does time go by faster as you get older?

I gots a job bitches!

After enduring an excruciating hour telephone interview that included all crazy get in your head questions, 4 hour technical in-person interview with 5 different people, application process which had to include 3 personal references, an online reference questionnaire to be completed in 48 hours by 3 past coworkers and 2 past supervisors, credit check, background check, and education check.

I received the telephone call Friday and had tears in my eyes. I actually missed the call and returned the call.  In true K fashion I was afraid, I thought it would be another rejection to file with the others and put another dent in my dwindling self-esteem, but NOPE.

Instead, it was a telephone call with an offer of an amount that was even more than I had been making at my last REAL* position and I am not talking this nightmare, 160 hours of PTO (Paid Time Off), 7 holidays plus 2 additional floating holidays, medical, dental, and vision effective START DATE which happens to be June 9th, a senior staff position, and a bunch of other little perks that make me glow.

When the world says, “Give up,”
Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.”
~Author Unknown

Note: I have a lot more to talk about but unfortunately Armani was hospitalized last night due to a busted Pancreas.  CUE REALLY REALLY worried girlfriend.

I began my new job today.  Actually, I am currently “working”.  It is worse than I thought.  It hardens me, breaks me down, and has me question my self-worth.  Can you imagine that?  Perhaps I didnt have any self-worth to begin with and just an exuberant amount of pride.  Considering…

I’m not a stripper.  I’m not selling my vag. I’m not stealing deodorant and body wash from Walgreens to sell at the flea market.

I’m simply working an entry level office assistant position making approximately $25 (if…lets hope) more a week than I did collecting unemployment.  The kicker?  I don’t even receive medical benefits and I am working for a healtchare agency.  HEALTHCARE.

Do I sound pretentious?  Yup.  Am I judgmental?  Sure as fuck.

Let me describe the woman who is training me or attempting to train me, as she doesn’t do a very good job at it.  She is too busy receiving personal cell phone calls from her Pink Motorola that blares an unknown Rhianna ring-tone.

Let me throw some educated guesses out there.

She is a 20-something mother.  I’m guessing single mother.  I do not see a ring but I do see a small picture of a child who looks about 6 years old hanging on the bulletin board above her desk.   She scrunches her hair in the morning probably with a 2010 version of Aqua Net immediately after washing it with VO5 - ala wet Poodle.  She stuffs herself in clothes that are both too small and appropriate for a 16 year old getting ready to hang out at the mall.  She mentioned she has court tomorrow and I am guessing its for a domestic violence case or child support.

Lets talk about the lack of…

I share an office with a woman who hasn’t tried to welcome me what-so-ever.  I kept a warm smile, commented on the temperature, etc.  I received NOTHING in return.  There is no interoffice email.  There is no electronic time clock, its pen to paper!  I kind of feel like how I think the outsourced help in India feel.

It’s that bad.

Perhaps this little ol’ attitude of mine is why I do not have the job of my dreams.

Let me step off my pink glittery soapbox because it is approaching 5 pm and everyone is hustling to get out of here.  This worries me.

someone could tell me how I should be feeling right now.

I’m not sure how I feel right now… I landed myself a shitty ass office assistant position where I will be making LESS than I do on unemployment. I know, its a job.

I felt when I actually got a JOB I would feel excited and I’m not. Nope. A tiny bit? Nada.

I’m sitting here at my 5 year old sister’s dance class where she is warming up to “Poker Face” and I can’t smile or laugh. I feel numb.

Side Note: I want to smack the chit chatty suburban mothers talking catty about others, the neighborhood drink specials, and 1st grade field trips. It really is THAT bad.

Well, I’m off to try and disect my feelings or lack of them.

I had a telephone interview today and scored a face to face interview with the company on Monday.

HOLLER!

The job is for a small, and I mean small financial planning company.  The position may not pay as well as my past position, it could be very rewarding in the future.

Keep your fingers crossed o’tay?

In other not so important news I hope to have a bullet style post tomorrow recapping my chaotic life.  Life has been crazy lately and I refuse to let it go undocumented.

Yup.  This was the jist of the interview I went on this afternoon.  Isn’t the job market flooded with those overqualified for positions?  Shouldn’t employers be jumping on this prime opportunity?

I just don’t get it.  They called me on the interview after seeing my resume.  Was it my perfectly polished ponytail?  I mean my suit wasnt Armani.  It was Ann Taylor for goodness sake!

All I can do is keep keep trying.  It felt good to “be out there” again but I was rather disappointed.  I can’t help but sit here and worry about what and if I do not get a job before my unemployment benefits run out.  I never thought I would be in this situation, as I have never been jobless since I was 15 years old. 

It’s rough.

I have been avoiding the written word and its not because I am at a loss for words. My mind is full of words and hope but expressing them seems too finite.

As I sit here and contemplate on spilling my hopes into a post, I feel as if it will only lead to disappointment.

I wont keep you completely in the dark. I have a 2^nd interview for a “rocking” Executive Assistant position.

I also have a 2^nd date with a boy who makes me all things googly. I mean googly in a good way, a real good way.

He is also 100% Greek.  I know. I know.

Until next week…

An end to a hiatus?

I definitely hope so.  The only internet communication I have been indulging in over the last two weeks has been twitter.

If you havent begun living in twitterverse, I caution you thats its the worst internet addiction I have ever posessed.

What’s new?

A whole damn lot.  I am unsure where to start or even to bother recapping.  Perhaps, I should just retitle my blog to “Single Unemployed Vodka Drinking Cat Woman To Be”

It’s catchy.  No?

In any event.  I am unemployed.  I got the ol’ heave hoe at the corporate 9-5′er that paid for my over indulgence in shoes and all things alcohol related.

They offered me a box for my belonging but I stuffed all things worth saving into my big ol’ Coach purse and said adieu with my eyes swollen with tears.

Thats all for now.  I am not jumping back into this whole bloggy blog world guns blazing.  I would rather have a few rounds of shooting practice beforehand.

I leave you with an idea of the shape I have been in the past couple of weeks. I figure you will feel some sort of pain for me and if not you will definitely feel sorry for me.

Why EM is my bestie at work:
 
She dials my extension at 12:30 pm to let me know she has a tat of a sunflower on her Pikachu.  She didn’t want me to not know this tad bit of information.  We then discuss other oddities hidden under our conservative business suits. 

Speaking of Pikachus… Chelsea Handler will be in Chicago at the Lincoln Park Borders on October 26th @ 3pm.

“There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink and people who collect stickers.”