oh hey… its me K.

I have been keeping my unemployed ass pretty busy becoming quite the domestic diva.  Alright… attempting to be quite the domestic diva.

The last couple of weeks have been interesting.  I may or may not have…

drank so much I pissed the bed with ARMANI in it

almost burned the house down while cooking Fillet Mignon in a frying pan

flopped cooking corned beef in a fucking crockpot

a puppy who finally has learned PAW!

googled how to make grilled cheese

took 4 pregnancy tests (no, im not pregnant PHEW!)

bought Boom Ball off of Amazon.com and lost the balls it came with in less than 2 days

played Guitar Hero for my FIRST time ever and sucked

a boyfriend who really really wants a goped

went gokarting in a skirt

totally been slacking with going to the place that keeps me from turning into an oompah loompah

tanned in WEEKS because of this

spent many many hours working hard on my farm… on facebook

bought adorable dixie cups

So as you can see I may or may not have been pretty busy lately.  You be the judge!

My car not starting because of the horrific bone chilling cold, freezing my gas line. At least that’s what my Step-Dad said. I just nodded as my nasal passages froze and lips turned blue. Apparently, I need “gas line antifreeze.” I’m sorry I didn’t know I lived in Alaska and I had no clue where one puts “anitfreeze”.

The freezing cold resulted in me talking to my bestest J for 3 hours via the telephone. We live less than a mile from each other but the Chicago weather has obviously turned us into 2 telephone loving cabin fevered freaks with earaches.

My lunging leg wobbling in defeat as I did lunge/hamstring curls using 10 lb weights. I was a Bacci hair short of passing out. My personal trainer had to hand feed me a 100c pack of mini muffins. A bite of a Fiber One bar before the gym does not work out well for me.

The surprise that my personal trainer is pregnant. She sprung the news on me as I was huffing and puffing on the elliptical. No worries. She plans on working out until the day she goes into labor. Isn’t laziness a part of pregnancy? Hell, if I ever am cursed blessed with a child one day when I am old and all boozed out, I will be all about French Fries and daytime television. I’m kidding kind of.

Today I reached an all time low and hid my Triple Sec and Schnapps because it looks like the liquor in them was slowly dropping. Momma is hitting the sauce again. She has polished off a bottle of Everclear when in desperation hence my reason for hiding the booze. I am pretty sure even the cough medicine and rubbing alcohol are options for her.

L not returning my text. The text read, “Was ExAss circumcised?” It was a serious question. I really am unsure. I think I have decided he was uncircumcised.

I spent an hour emailing a man of Greek origin. 

Chicago nightlife is hurting with the recession and the crippling cold. Its hurting so bad that I received cold calls rather than text messages trying to coerce my ass out in the cold. The calls offered free chair massages and free cover through 2009. The recession and my lack of job will not keep me from enjoying the Chicago nightlife but negative degree weather will. I’m not even sure a free fur coat would get me out tonight.

One of my best guy friends decided to propose to his “ginger” girlfriend on New Years Eve. I just found out today via word of mouth. I am not going to lie, I am kind of hurt. I introduced them. I hope my prize is not being invited to the wedding.

Thank goodness I didn’t waste much time blogging about all of the above because I have Style Network waiting for me with my best friends Split Ends and Clean House.

-N called me out of the blue during my morning commute.  As I have mentioned in the past we had been fighting but I realized quickly my life wasn’t the same without him and our small fight wasn’t worth losing him as a friend.
 
He is just as crazy as I, and I need that to prove my mental state isn’t that off the meter.
 
In any event, he apologized and he then told me I was the auntie to a new pup.  I have been begging him to get a pup for Bacci to play with and he did.  Here is Josephine the Italian Greyhound.  She goes by Joey and is freaking adorable.  N promised me we can get their pictures taken together but he also warned me I can dress Joey up but no pink.
 
Blah.

-My work BFF EM is getting married.  I thought something was up when she was spending a little too much time at Archivers and was a little hush hush about life.
 
I jokingly told her last week that if she planned to move back in with her exbf and was sending announcements that I had better hear about it in person and not from the postman.
 
It’s just a complete shock because she is getting married to the guy she was dating for 2-years and had a restraining order put in place 2-monts ago.
 
In any event, he took us out to lunch yesterday and professed his love for her and apologized to me for having to deal with the repercussions of his out of control behavior.
 
This was nice… I give him that and as I told her I will keep an open mind and after all it is her future.
 
I truly believe she deserves the best and hope he is able to give her the happy life she deserves.
 
The wedding will be in Vegas on December 26th  followed by a reception back in Chicago.  She really wants me to witness but I doubt I will be able to attend the ceremony in Vegas.  I was kind of glowing when she wanted me to be there to witness the ceremony seeing we have only been friends, super close friends for the past year.  It makes me fuzzy inside knowing just how great of a friend she thinks I am.
 
This is her 2nd marriage.  She married at 17yo and had 2 kids who are now 8 and 13.  She is only 30 and I would like to do something special for her.  Ideas? 
 
-I finally returned my rental car and have my own car again.  I own it.  I bought a 2003 Stratus. It is cute and I am only asking it last me 2 years until I save up for a nice hybrid.
 
I’m content.
 
-I did the unimaginable and took 3 kids all under the age of 15 to the Blackhawks game against Columbus.  Are you kidding me K?  Nope. I am not. 
 
It was a good time but the highlight was running into Rachel.  A very random blogging meetup but a meetup gosh damnit cuz I met Diana.  Yup… you know her the star of Rachel’s blog.  She is cuter than ever.  I would also like to let Rachel know that my sister said “Is that your friend?  She is a very pretty Mom!!” 
 
Damn right!
 
All in a day’s work bitches!

This weekend will be spent spending time with the puppeh, commenting all the fabulous blog posts that I have starred throughout the week, and deleting things off my blog that might threaten my anonymity.  Yesterday I googled something that someone IRL might google to find me and this little section of the WWW was on the first page of the search results.  Not cool YO.
 
I also would like to categorize all of my posts.  Any helpers?  I would love you forever and ever and buy you a lollipop.

Its short and its sweet.  Its to the point.

weekend in less than 10 pictures

A drama free weekend in the life of K?  Most would say IMPOSSIBLE, but I think I may have had one this past weekend if you don’t include the fact my sister decided to sneak out of the house on Saturday night leaving a body composed of stuffed animals as her twin.
 
Who does she thinks she is Cindy Brady or something?
 
Pick up your jaws people and observe this post does not contain the following:
 
Excessive amounts of alcohol
A loss of an undergarment
Drunk text messaging
Dancing rowdily
Nights out that turn into mornings
Battery
Vandalism
 
I started off the weekend with a pit stop at Borders.  Oh the loveliness of having a Borders strategically located on my way home from work. I swear it was meant to be.  I picked up the Are you there vodka?  its me Chelsea and Can You Keep a Secret? along with the July issues of Cosmo, Glamour, Marie Claire, Self, and Real Simple.
 
It was a sweltering humid day/night in Chicago therefore I did nothing but camp out on my bed, tweet, and read.  I was surrounded by frozen bottles of water and a fan that blew hot air onto my sweating forehead.  Such relief!
 
Yup.. My A/C was still not in working condition.
 
I was quite surprised by all of the tweets of those enduring the heat without A/C by choice.   You people have self-control. 
 
I doubled my Ativan dose and threw in a Trazodone for a much needed deep medicated sleep.
 
I woke up early Saturday morning to meet with my obnoxious attorneys to sign the final documents needed to file the B word.  It was amazing how cordial the attorneys were after our dispute on Friday perhaps she sensed I wanted to step on her face with my 3-inch Nine West heel or perhaps he noticed my knee was fancying his groin area.
 
In any respect – Its almost over.  I stress almost because I ran into another miscommunication this morning.
 
EFFING AY!
 
I then went downtown with L and the little sister. 
 
The fabulous of the afternoon included shopping on Michigan Ave where I picked up Dior Mascara and Dior Lipgloss at the beloved Sephora, yogurt at Berry Chill (super yum), and Corner Bakery for some dinner. Yup.. thats my Mango yogurt with starfruit, mango, and pineapple toppings.
 
The not so fabulous of the afternoon included the reflection I saw in the mirror at Nordies when I tried on a Juicy Couture one piece and saw the jiggle and dents in my thighs.  I swear they were not there last year or I chose to ignore them similar to the way I ignored the gigantic amount of debt I accrued. I am sure it’s the latter of the two.
 
We were also caught in a downpour crossing the Chicago River on our way back to the El.  I was wearing white capirs sans undies.  Ya get the picture?
 
I was in bed by 10 am in a sleep not induced by an extra Ativan.
 
However, my sisters night had just begun.  My stepdad realized she had went missing at around midnight.  I figured this was just another of her many cries for attention or rebellious activity and went back to a light sleep.
 
Note:  I am not a bad sister.
 
Sure enough she sauntered into the house at little after 7am sneaking into her bedroom.  I awoke finding her in the living room watching Disney channel.  I asked her what she was doing and she replied “I’m bored and just watching some TV.  Where are Mom and Dad?”  I broke the news to her that she was caught and they were out looking for her obnoxious ignorant ass.
 
I retreated back to my bedroom for some sleep knowing that she was home safe and sound and the chaos was going to skyrocket once my parents found her at home which it did.

Our A/C returned Sunday. I love you air conditioner man. 

Sunday was spent enjoying Corner Bakery with L, taking a walk at the park, watching my beloved Cubbies, and doing other non-drama related things.

I also whored myself out over the internet.  You can now find me on Good Reads & Bookmooch.  Let me tell you I am quite moochable.  I have eleven books to send out already. 

Thats the weekend recap.  Im back to my wild ways on June 27th until then I will try and be as interesting as possible.