I have talked about the featured guest blogger in previous posts such as here, here, and here. She is someone I hold dearly in my heart. She has a special place. I have said it before and will say it again. She is an AMAZING woman! She blogs here. Check her out!
So here I am, a guest blogger for my girl, K. When she asked me to write a post for her blog, I was both flattered and apprehensive. While I love to write, I don’t know how well it comes out when I am under pressure. Wait, not that K is pressuring me. It’s the expectation I put on myself to pen a witty and insightful post that has me a little nervous. What if I come off sounding like a self absorbed whiner? Or worse, what if I don’t leave an impression at all?
These are the thoughts that go through the brain of someone who has battled with herself from the time she can remember. Instead of just letting the words flow, thoughts turn into worries and worries turn into frustrations. Round and round it goes, feeding and recycling off of itself. It’s a perfect example of how mental illness can trick your rational mind into a frenzy for no reason. It’s also a sign of my insecurity, which I will readily admit, is a problem. I care far too much about what other people think.
So, after obsessing for a few days, I decided to simply sit down, and type whatever came into my brain.
Those of you who are devoted reader of K’s blog already know about her struggle with BPD. She manages to capture some of her worst moments with a sense of humor and wit, which I find refreshing and bold. Those who can put a clever spin on the serious topics in life have my admiration. I am more of a stereotypical tortured soul who agonizes over not only the serious side of life, but the lighter side too. However, I didn’t want to bring a dark cloud into K’s blog, and I am trying to broaden my horizons both as a person, and as a writer. The following is a small collection of tips, lessons, and anecdotes from my own life that I hope will at the very least, peak your interest.
Candid Beauty’s Tips for Crazy Girls
- The internet is a great tool for forming friendships and relationships. It’s not just for ‘ugly fat losers who can’t get a date.’ Not only did I meet my husband in a chatroom, but some of my closest friends were found online. Fuck people who judge your chosen method of communication.
- Waiting until you are drunk to address an issue is NEVER a good idea. You look foolish when your bluff is called as you slur your words, not noticing that you can’t keep your balance. You also stand a much greater chance of getting punched by the tough girl you are targeting, before you have a chance to pretend that you know how to retaliate. This is especially important if you are new to the area and still making a first impression on people. Coming into a social clique and stirring up the pecking order is hard enough, but when you address it drunkenly in front of everyone , you forget that no one is on your side yet.
- Giving relationship advice to some girlfriends can backfire. Say you have a really good friend, who happens to be a few years younger than you and she’s having issues with her boyfriend who should be mature, given his age, but isn’t. If you become the person she runs to when she needs to vent, eventually, you’ll end up telling her that she deserves better and he’s a dickhead and blah, blah, blah. Gues what happens then? After a girl’s night, she goes home and unleashes her anger at her man, yelling every not -so -nice thing you’ve ever said about him, and citing you as her source. All of a sudden, you are in the middle of something that was never your problem to begin with. She and he wind up temporarily making up, and you are no longer a welcome friend because it appears you’ve been trying to stir up trouble, when all you were trying to do was be a shoulder to lean on.
- Don’t fish for compliments. People aren’t there solely to boost your fragile ego. It gets old, and your blazing insecurity turns people off. However, don’t overcompensate for that insecurity by being purposely brash and demanding to constantly be center of attention. Then you just look childish. And crazier than you really are. If you shut your trap, compliments will come your way. And they won’t be forced.
- Say what you mean. When you tell him that you don’t mind if he goes out drinking with the guys, make sure that you really DON’T mind. Brewing inside because you erroneously think that he is trying to ‘escape’ your insanity for an evening will not lead to a cheery reunion. At 4 a.m. when he comes in stumbling, greeting him with rage is going to cause a fight. And it ain’t gonna be pretty. Your neediness and jealousy won’t go over well. In fact, it might just cause him to re-evaluate whether he really wants a basketcase in his life. P.S. Hinting and talking around an issue is NOT saying what you mean, and it’s a good way to confuse the hell out of the person you are trying to communicate with. Being passive aggressive and sarcastic rather than direct isn’t going to get the point across either. Instead, you’ll come off like a bitch, and if he calls you on it, his point will just be further proved by your reaction.
- Testing someone’s love and devotion is a shitty thing to do. Avoid this manipulative behavior at all costs. Don’t make empty threats about ending the relationship when that’s the last thing you want. Don’t test how much crazy he can take from you in one day. And never purposely hurt yourself to get his attention. It will scare him to his core and you may wind up in a hospital psych ward. It’s not his fault that you are a bottomless pit of need, and don’t know how to ask for help.
- Slamming a door will not end an argument. It will only prolong it. Try it. I dare you to see how well that goes over.
- It’s ok to have positive affirmations written on post-its, stuck all over your bedroom. Though it may feel silly at first, it’s proven that things stick in your brain when you read them repeatedly out loud. If you are feeling really brave, try saying that shit when you look in the mirror. If you can get to a point where that doesn’t feel awkward, you’ve already conquered a huge part of the problem.
- Learn to appreciate the male reproductive organs. Nothing turns a man on more than a woman who enjoys playing with his rod. It won’t bite, though it may spit a little. Penises are pretty cool things when you know what makes them stand firm. As a bonus, you realize the power a woman can posess with sexual prowess. All women should be aware and in touch with the power of the mere suggestion of pussy. Just don’t abuse the power.
- Don’t define yourself by any disorder or illness, be it physical or mental. Two things can happen. First, you sell yourself short and focus on all the negatives. Second, you become trapped and victimized which makes change seem impossible. You are not the sum of your problems, unless that’s what you believe.
- Remember that the world does not revolve around you, no matter how much it seems like it does. If you constantly pick the longest line at Target, it’s not a conspiracy to make you annoyed. You just pick long lines. If you’re late and stuck in traffic, the old woman in front of you who can’t drive is not trying to piss you off. Flipping her the bird when you finally pass her is just plain mean and unnecessary. If the girl at Forever 21 gives you a funny look, ignore it and assume she’s having a bad day. Or, just maybe, stop and look around. Is she even looking at you?
- Finally, if you are a person who has to be right about everything, you can try to drown out the other point of view by raising your voice louder, and then even louder, so that no one can get another word in, but you wind up looking like a boisterous asshole. Even if you are right.
All EXCELLENT tips and tips I am glad I read before my little weekend away with Frappe. I might just have to print this out. For serious.
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