Dear Fellow Gym Member:

You kicking ass on the elliptical means nothing. Why? The Powerade you are chugging is going straight to your gut.

Love,

A girl that cares about your waistline, obviously more than you do

—-

Dear Staffing Agency Broad:

I will not work for $11 an hour. I would also like to take the time to thank you for a complete waste of makeup, expensive makeup that my unemployed ass struggles to afford.

Love,

A woman who would rather sit home and collect unemployment

—-

Dear Fellow Flickr Members:

Why must you time after time make me feel so not artsy?

Love,

A girl who still colors in coloring books

—-

Dear Ann Taylor Boot Cut Curvy Jeans:

Why do your light wash fit me PERFECTLY and your dark wash fit me as if I just consumed a dozen donuts.

Love,

The girl that DID NOT eat the dozen donuts but wishes she did

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Dear What Not To Wear:

Can you make me over? I am unemployed and poor.

Love,

A girl hit by the recession with some time on her hands

—-

Dear Tom Anderson:

My Space and I have come to yet another ending in our tumultuous relationship. I have requested my account be cancelled on more than 10 occasions. Quit making this harder than it already is and erase my account. 

Love,

Your Ex

Dear Ann Taylor Loft:
 
Please carry more clothing directly aimed towards women who dress “business casual” at work.  I do not look at your casual day line at all.  I also do not look at your petite line at all.  However, I do purchase pieces from your business casual line.
 
I have had my second occurrence of playing “matchy-matchy” with a coworker.  I do not enjoy looking like o ne of the Bopsey Twins.
 
I demand more business casual apparel!
 
Sincerely,
A woman striving to be “original” in a conservative business casual workplace
 
P.S.  My “twin” purchased her skirt for $29.99 on sale while I paid $59.99.  Can you send me a gift card in the amount of the difference for my pain and suffering?