Well maybe not in Chicago where SNOW is in the weather forecast but I can feel it in my bones.  I started a little Spring cleaning myself yesterday and realized all of my “to read” books.  I then fell upon this little challenge of sorts on Heidi’s blog and said “Just what I need!”

Books I plan on reading and/or finishing this Spring:

American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld

The Pact by Jodi Picoult

Sundays at Tiffany’s by James Patterson

There’s No Place Like Here by Cecelia Ahern

Change We Can Believe In by Barack Obama

Have you read any of the above?  Whats on your “to read” list?

You could say that but I would say “crabby” is an understatement.

My calves ache like nothing I have ever felt before.  Perhaps the way childbirth may feel.  Thanks to my new personal trainer for painful calves.  The thing is I do not want my hugegigantic calves gaining anymore muscle than they already have.  I will be having a talking to with my new personal trainer tomorrow.  I thought I said that I want to work on my lack of abs and arms?  That’s what I thought I had said. Did I mention my new personal trainer is a real ballerina?

Frappe cancelled out on our plan for dinner and a movie tonight.  Actually, he politely asked me to venture to his side of town and I told him in my exact words, “I am crabby.  I don’t want to drive.  I am pissed off.  I will see you tomorrow.”  The thing is he works 11 to 15 hour days and 6-7 days a week.  I work 0 hours a day and 0 hours a week.  I didn’t get the job.  Of course Frappe owns a business and doesn’t have a normal 9-5 job.  Good thing dating men who are obsessed with the almighty dollar is one of my specialites!  I am used to this as none of my previous boyfriends had “real” jobs either.  It just sucks in the beginning of a relationship when I don’t believe in giving at all and only in receiving.

This weekend will be spent spending time with the puppeh, commenting all the fabulous blog posts that I have starred throughout the week, and deleting things off my blog that might threaten my anonymity.  Yesterday I googled something that someone IRL might google to find me and this little section of the WWW was on the first page of the search results.  Not cool YO.
 
I also would like to categorize all of my posts.  Any helpers?  I would love you forever and ever and buy you a lollipop.

A drama free weekend in the life of K?  Most would say IMPOSSIBLE, but I think I may have had one this past weekend if you don’t include the fact my sister decided to sneak out of the house on Saturday night leaving a body composed of stuffed animals as her twin.
 
Who does she thinks she is Cindy Brady or something?
 
Pick up your jaws people and observe this post does not contain the following:
 
Excessive amounts of alcohol
A loss of an undergarment
Drunk text messaging
Dancing rowdily
Nights out that turn into mornings
Battery
Vandalism
 
I started off the weekend with a pit stop at Borders.  Oh the loveliness of having a Borders strategically located on my way home from work. I swear it was meant to be.  I picked up the Are you there vodka?  its me Chelsea and Can You Keep a Secret? along with the July issues of Cosmo, Glamour, Marie Claire, Self, and Real Simple.
 
It was a sweltering humid day/night in Chicago therefore I did nothing but camp out on my bed, tweet, and read.  I was surrounded by frozen bottles of water and a fan that blew hot air onto my sweating forehead.  Such relief!
 
Yup.. My A/C was still not in working condition.
 
I was quite surprised by all of the tweets of those enduring the heat without A/C by choice.   You people have self-control. 
 
I doubled my Ativan dose and threw in a Trazodone for a much needed deep medicated sleep.
 
I woke up early Saturday morning to meet with my obnoxious attorneys to sign the final documents needed to file the B word.  It was amazing how cordial the attorneys were after our dispute on Friday perhaps she sensed I wanted to step on her face with my 3-inch Nine West heel or perhaps he noticed my knee was fancying his groin area.
 
In any respect – Its almost over.  I stress almost because I ran into another miscommunication this morning.
 
EFFING AY!
 
I then went downtown with L and the little sister. 
 
The fabulous of the afternoon included shopping on Michigan Ave where I picked up Dior Mascara and Dior Lipgloss at the beloved Sephora, yogurt at Berry Chill (super yum), and Corner Bakery for some dinner. Yup.. thats my Mango yogurt with starfruit, mango, and pineapple toppings.
 
The not so fabulous of the afternoon included the reflection I saw in the mirror at Nordies when I tried on a Juicy Couture one piece and saw the jiggle and dents in my thighs.  I swear they were not there last year or I chose to ignore them similar to the way I ignored the gigantic amount of debt I accrued. I am sure it’s the latter of the two.
 
We were also caught in a downpour crossing the Chicago River on our way back to the El.  I was wearing white capirs sans undies.  Ya get the picture?
 
I was in bed by 10 am in a sleep not induced by an extra Ativan.
 
However, my sisters night had just begun.  My stepdad realized she had went missing at around midnight.  I figured this was just another of her many cries for attention or rebellious activity and went back to a light sleep.
 
Note:  I am not a bad sister.
 
Sure enough she sauntered into the house at little after 7am sneaking into her bedroom.  I awoke finding her in the living room watching Disney channel.  I asked her what she was doing and she replied “I’m bored and just watching some TV.  Where are Mom and Dad?”  I broke the news to her that she was caught and they were out looking for her obnoxious ignorant ass.
 
I retreated back to my bedroom for some sleep knowing that she was home safe and sound and the chaos was going to skyrocket once my parents found her at home which it did.

Our A/C returned Sunday. I love you air conditioner man. 

Sunday was spent enjoying Corner Bakery with L, taking a walk at the park, watching my beloved Cubbies, and doing other non-drama related things.

I also whored myself out over the internet.  You can now find me on Good Reads & Bookmooch.  Let me tell you I am quite moochable.  I have eleven books to send out already. 

Thats the weekend recap.  Im back to my wild ways on June 27th until then I will try and be as interesting as possible.

As I was perusing the books at Borders I ran into My Horizontal Life - A Collection of One-Night Stands. I bought it because:

A) Chelsea Handler wrote it

B) It was about one-night stands something I have been wondering about lately - SEE POST

The best description of this book that I have read yet, “Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blue were into Vodka, Ecstacy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds.” Could you imagine “Are you there God? Its me Margaret and I just swigged a couple of shots out of my parent’s bottle of Grey Goose”

The book delivers what it promises a collection of one-night stands. If you have a sensitive disposition please pass by this book and head on over to a good Nicholas Sparks book. BTW.. I do love Nicholas Sparks but this is not a book for the prude.

The truth be told, I did not want to read “Eat Pray Love”. I try to steer away from the most popular answer to “What is the last book you read?”. I also attempt to stay far away from anything Oprah finds enjoyable. The woman likes $50 brownies - point made!

What made me decide to read it? I love memoirs. The next memoir on my bookshelf is Marya Hornbacher “Madness - A Bipolar Life”.

My favorite memoir hands down is, “More Now Again - Memoir of Addiction” by Elizabeth Wurtzel. This is by far her favorite book. I liked “Prozac Nation” but “More Now Again” was a love thing for me.

Anyways, this is not a book review because I suck at book reviews. I like to write and read but reviewing is not necessarily my style.

Then again I guess in a way I am reviewing “Eat Pray Love” in kindergarten fashion.

I liked it. Maybes its because of where I am in my life right now. I am a 20-something with a healing broken heart who is trying to find the beat she should stride to. I also enjoyed the fantasy of taking a break from “life” to find myself. Wouldn’t that be nice? Unfortunately, I will continue working 9-5 with the constant struggle of finding myself on my own without the help from a Yogi here and there. Maybe the Dali Lama could pay me a visit?

I did find a lot of it just damn ridiculous and exaggerated but she writes well.

One of my favorite quotes:

“The goons of Depression and Loneliness have barged into my life again”

Cant we all relate?

In conclusion, this book was very insightful and witty. I needed the insight and who doesn’t need a dose of wit in their lives?

Read it.

P.S. If you still don’t want to read it then do me a favor and head over to the nearest book store to read Pg 69. Hysterical - I love foul language in Italian.