The truth be told, I did not want to read “Eat Pray Love”. I try to steer away from the most popular answer to “What is the last book you read?”. I also attempt to stay far away from anything Oprah finds enjoyable. The woman likes $50 brownies - point made!

What made me decide to read it? I love memoirs. The next memoir on my bookshelf is Marya Hornbacher “Madness - A Bipolar Life”.

My favorite memoir hands down is, “More Now Again - Memoir of Addiction” by Elizabeth Wurtzel. This is by far her favorite book. I liked “Prozac Nation” but “More Now Again” was a love thing for me.

Anyways, this is not a book review because I suck at book reviews. I like to write and read but reviewing is not necessarily my style.

Then again I guess in a way I am reviewing “Eat Pray Love” in kindergarten fashion.

I liked it. Maybes its because of where I am in my life right now. I am a 20-something with a healing broken heart who is trying to find the beat she should stride to. I also enjoyed the fantasy of taking a break from “life” to find myself. Wouldn’t that be nice? Unfortunately, I will continue working 9-5 with the constant struggle of finding myself on my own without the help from a Yogi here and there. Maybe the Dali Lama could pay me a visit?

I did find a lot of it just damn ridiculous and exaggerated but she writes well.

One of my favorite quotes:

“The goons of Depression and Loneliness have barged into my life again”

Cant we all relate?

In conclusion, this book was very insightful and witty. I needed the insight and who doesn’t need a dose of wit in their lives?

Read it.

P.S. If you still don’t want to read it then do me a favor and head over to the nearest book store to read Pg 69. Hysterical - I love foul language in Italian.

My cell did not ring at 7:45 this morning. I talk to N on a regular basis to and fro work. My cell rings on the daily without fail at 7:45 every weekday morning. If I do not answer because I am running late which is usually the case then my cell rings again at 8:00.

I did not hear Nelly’s “Party People”. (Ya.. That’s one of my trillion ring tones) I’m one of those girls who just cant fathom the idea of having a ringer as boring as Beethoven’s 1st Symphony and this is something I am less than proud of.

N has not responded to my apologetic email, gchat messages, text message, or telephone calls. I may resort to a singing dancing clown telegram.

He is pissed. I understand that. I was in the wrong. I admit that.

What did I do wrong? I pretty much belittled him and streaked through his house in my desperate venture for a dramatic evening.

Bad press is better than no press or NOT.

All I can do is give him space and time and the choice of forgiveness is in his hands. I hate this. I am the biggest control freak you will ever meet.

I feel like I am retracting in everything I have learning at therapy. Here comes the constant self-deprecating thoughts.

Thoughts that haven’t muddled my mind as much as they did a month ago are coming back in full force. Speaking of muddling I wish mojitos had 0 carbs.

JD found out her ex is getting married and has impregnated his fiancé. Whenever another woman is involved after a breakup its like the swift turn of a knife that has already been implanted into your heart. We all know what I recently went through. I have done an “okay” job of dismissing the negative thoughts that invaded my mind up until this little reminder of “another woman”.

What does she have that I didn’t?

Does he do everything for her that I wished he had done for me?

Is she prettier, smarter, skinnier, etc than I?

The truth is L has conversated with this girl and she has proven to be the most immature 32 year old we have ever interacted with.

I personally have never interacted with her but she has said quite a bunch of horrible things about me via the good ol’ social networking site MYSPACE.

She is also not attractive nor physically fit. Those are the truths that my mind cannot accept.

Perhaps its because the ExAss told me “I would never be better than her” and “She is beautiful and I have fallen deeply in love with her”.

She will always be better than me because she has him.

I then think how can I say this? When he broke up with me it hurt but I knew it was for the better. He wasn’t giving me everything I needed and I was settling for this due to my lack of self-esteem. He was my first true love and I honestly believed he would be my only true love. Its been 4 months and I still haven’t been able to move on in the romantic sense. I cannot see someone taking his place in my jaded heart.

This post has turned much deeper than originally planned…

Therapy today shall be interesting. I am slowly creating a fence between my therapist and I. I put up a post per session and my fence is quickly being built. I need to put a halt to this project. This fence building began once the relationship with my ExAss ended due to the fact there is now only one person to focus on or fix and that person is someone who I do not feel I know that well, myself.

On a lighter note, its freezing in Chicago. I have on a wool suit today at work and I am still not warm. The funny thing is my eyes are watery and my seasonal allergies are coming on without the Spring weather. Can you say rip-off?

I have a group lunch today at Grotto. I have never been but it looks like a nice establishment. I wish they could only give me the low fat options and dispose of the rest of the menu. My group consists of myself and 5 guys. I am prepared to talk about the obvious, sports and seeing we are all in the financial industry, how shitty the real estate market is and how April has been a month of improvement. I will sip numerous Diet Cokes to keep my eyelids from falling out of boredom.

To my delight Angela over at Angelaboration adorned me with this gem!

I would first like to thank this awesome 20-something blogging community.  I am so happy to have found you all!

I would like to thank my Mother… (alright.. Im getting ahead of myself)

Anyways here are a couple of bloggers who have brightened my darkest days:

Free & Flawed - She always has unique posts that usually make me laugh at least once a day.  She is on my daily read list FO sure!  She is also from Chicago and dealing with the shitty weather therefore she deserves this little token!

Delicious Design Studio - She is working on a unique new blog design for me.  How can she not make my day?!? She oozes creativity!

Quirkology - Another blogger who oozes creativity and she was also one of my Pay It Forward winners.

So thanks to all of my readers for making me feel uber special.

I hate being the only one in the office who looks like she got ran over by a truck on Mondays.  Everyone else is running around all bright eyed and bushy tailed.

My weekend was exhausting and dramatic but more importantly the majority of it was a damn good time.

Goose & Tonics were on the menu for Friday night.  I was too lazy for my first attempt of mixing up some Sangria.  Although I did get a yummy recipe that mimics the likes of the Sangria at Olive Garden. 

I will keep Friday’s recap short and sweet.  K had one too many Goose & Tonics, made a fool out of herself, pissed off her best guy friend N, and slept with a bag of uneaten White Castles.

I awoke Saturday morning smelling like onions and pickles.  Although the scent did nothing for me but made my stomach turn in angst.  Dawson’s Creek kept me company the majority of Saturday morning.  I am still in awe Joey Potter is married to Tom Cruise.  Anyways… I called N a couple of times with no avail.  He rejected my calls and has rejected every call I made the remainder of the weekend.

I slapped on some makeup and perfume to mask the pickles and onions and went out for a quick lunch and coffee with L, my Mom, and sister.  Chicago was WINDY and CHILLY on Saturday.  We attempted to eat outside but it didn’t work out as well as we had planned.  Chicago weather has been everything but predictable this year.  There is a possibility we will get some snow tomorrow.  C’MON now! April snow flurries bring May snowmen?!

My Mom made yummy smoothies for my baby brother’s first baseball game of the season. His team won and he also won the game ball.  He looked so cute decked out in his Angel’s uniform, red belt, red socks, and red underarmour.  He takes his baseball “career” so seriously that its adorable. 

The remainder of the day I threw around the idea of going out with L and JD and decided why the hell not.  I threw on a fancy red halter top adorned with rhinestones, black wide leg pants that are tight in the ass, and a pair of stilettos. I was ready to conquer the Chi.

We should have figured it was going to be a fabulous night when JD found a parking spot one block from Vision!  We started off at Vision (total tourist club) but JD had to meet up with one of the DJs for a drink.  It wound up being packed because of some semi-famous techno DJ who was spinning (don’t ask me.. I don’t do techno).  For the first time in my life I felt bad for this Rhode Island guy who attempted to flirt with us.  He was fidgeting and sweat was pouring off of him and then when he realized we weren’t interested he had to close the conversation.  Poor guy.

Also, is it mandatory for Go-Go dancers to wear some type of faux animal fur over their shoes?

Side note:  K does not go out sober - EVER.  She is usually extremely tipsy but this night L had me on lockdown.  NO pregaming and only 1-2 drinks per club until we got to the last club.  Needless to say this nightclubbing excursion went differently than what I was used to.

I was then mesmerized by the dance moves of the girls who were there for a bachelorette party.  They stood in circle and moved their feet back and forth (right foot - left foot) it was very bad dancing.  Then they would do a version of the grapevine or something.  I think they thought they were at an aerobics class at Women’s Workout World.  I would then mimic their moves. L and JD did not like that but hey they were the ones who had me on lockdown.

L was then hit on by the most persistent man I have ever seen - he followed us out of the club until JD turned around and screamed/spit into his face “SHE IS NOT INTERESTED!!!”

We then went down to Ontourage. LAME.  I haven’t been there since it first opened years ago and I probably will never go back but if you don’t pay cover its not a waste I guess.

Next spot was Moda.  Moda is the last place (well not last but I didn’t expect to see a brawl there).  We did and it was scary.  We sipped on martinis and I wound up spilling half of mine.  This is where JD and L forget I am just a real clumsy person and indeed I am not drunk.  They attempt to cut me off for the night.  Dancing continues……More dancing….Still dancing.  Lots of pics were taken which I really don’t think I want to see on the internet but whatev.

We then wind up at Mannequin where we see one of the most horrifying fights in my club/bar/lounge career.  A guy obviously hyped up on steroids crushes a guy’s face on the cement.  Yes.. He stomps on the guys face with his foot when he is knocked out on the sidewalk.

Lots of dancing and drinking at Mannequin - I wound up falling down the stairs (this was before all of the drinking!!).

We left at around 3:30 and then a girl decides to tell L that she has CANKLES!!!  Are you kidding me?  L is about 5′8″ and wears a size 2!!  Well L takes it personally to a point and on the way back to our “hood” she has her leg outside of the car asking anyone stopped at a red light if she has cankles.

The cankle debate continues at the late night bar we went to..

What a dive!  JD winds up meeting this total douche bag who she has been seeing off and on for the last couple of months.  He treats her like shit and to put it blunt I hated him before I even met him.  L decides to tell him that he doesn’t deserve JD.  GO L!!  We wind up dancing some more and L spills a guys drink on the dance floor.  We leave when the lights are turned down and I obviously needed to have one more klutzy move.  I fall in the middle of the dance floor courtesy of the drink L spilled!!

JD dropped L us off at around 5:15.  We stayed up until around 6:30 chit-chatting and wishing JD went home after she dropped us off but we knew she went to the douche bag’s house.

In conclusion I like going out when I am not hammered and I think I will be doing it more often than not.  I also think JD, L, and I are quite the threesome.  We all fit quite nicely together in most bathroom stalls which is a plus.

I spent the majority of Sunday sleeping.  I woke up at around 5:15.  I know how to waste a Sunday

What did I ChaCha?

1. How old is Kim Kardashian?
2. What is the exact address of Wrigley Field?
3. When did the Civil War end?
4. What is the weather in California?

ChaCha answered all questions correctly.

Draw penises?!?

Not like I needed one but I found myself doodling at work yesterday (forgive me I am not a great artist) -

Yes my friends that is my poor doodle of a penis.  My idle hands drew a penis.  Can you tell what I am lacking?

Im thinking about volunteering at a brothel.

Inky fingers after reading the newspaper. Geesh.. Isn’t there something they can do about that? I may resort to reading the paper in latex gloves. I hate inky fingers.

Why aren’t kids in this day and age as fascinated by such awesomeness of the light bright, easy bake oven, and shrinkydinks?

People who believe small talk in elevators in mandatory. I prefer to take my elevator trip in silence. Why don’t you?

Feminine hygiene product vending machines - the few times I have needed a tampon they have either been sold out, broken, or have ate my quarter. Take them down. Its not a good idea to give a girl who is PMS’ing false hope. Its quiet cruel.

Men. I don’t understand my father, brothers, boss, uncles, exboyfriends, or platonic male friends. The whole male species is a mystery to me.

My ability to lose something every night I go out to a club or bar. I cannot remember one time that I came home with all of my belongings. Why is that? I don’t think its my problem with binge drinking and acting a fool or could it be!?

Headline News! How do you stay in business repeating the same damn news segments over and over and over again. It’s a trance. Maybe those who suffer from insomnia and need to get tranced into sleep use you and that’s how youre still on-air.

That’s all for now.

My BPD pal (who I miss dearly!!! If you are reading this you better believe it) gave me this tiny little yellow notebook displaying a moving quote, “Live without change is boring.” She gave me this for my birthday which coincided with the Ex-Ass breaking my heart into a million trillion bajillion pieces.

As I sit here and glance over to my tiny little yellow notebook displayed on my desk, I realize this saying has kept me going the past four months. It has been my “mantra” of some sort.

My life was stagnant. The Ex-Ass was to put it nicely boring. I am everything but boring and almost always the life of the party. I cannot say this part of me died during our relationship but it definitely was not as evident.

I love the beach and for goodness sake he wore a track suit and gym shoes to the beach when we did go which was like pulling teeth. I know you must compromise in relationships but you cant compromise who you are or what you love and this I have learned. I love running through the beach barefoot having the sand slip between my toes and I would love to run through the sand hand in hand with someone who enjoys this simple thing that I love or at least tries to.

I love surprises. I would always shower him with the smallest to largest surprises - just to show him I cared. I would have to remind him to get me cards and although he bought me beautiful jewelry it had no thought. He went to the jewelry store and plopped down his credit card. What is the magic in that? A girl does love diamonds but something with a little effort will make her smile even brighter.

I love adventure, from travel to just a weekend getaway downtown. He was everything but adventurous. The most adventurous thing he could plan was dinner and a movie. I’m not being dramatic - I am being serious.

The relationship did not work for me for the simple reason he was not open to change.  He was open to new fresh ideas.  He did not have an openmind or even an open heart.

I could go on but I am not going to because the summer is quickly approaching and I vow mine will be filled with days at the beach and adventure. I will once again be the girl who is the life of the party.

“The One glows.

She knows she is authentic and cannot be bought;

she knows her preferences,

who she is,

what she believes in,

and she never compromises her dignity and truth for anyone.”

- Barbara Rose

I picked the winners of the Pay It Forward contest I began to spread some cheer around the USA. 

A big THANKS to all who entered!

Modern Gal, Rachel, Brookem, Laura, Stylish Handwriting, Free and Flawed, and Penelope.

I couldnt find a cool hat to pick names out of so I mixed them in what else?!?!?  A mixing bowl.

And then picked the winners - I swear I didnt peek!  Congratulations to…

Modern Gal, Laura, and Free & Flawed!! 

You will be receiving super fantabulous goodie packages from yours truly!  Please email your home addy to wannaberealitysuperstar {at} Gmail {dot} Com & remember pass it on!!

Therefore I post:

• My Pay It Forward ends today - woot woot! Thanks to all who entered and I will be posting the winners tonight or tomorrow morning. The winners shall receive their goody package in approximately 14 days. I promise 14 days unlike my bank who said I would receive my replacement debit card in 7-10 days and received it in 11 days. Then again the USPS has proved to be less than dependable on more than one occasion. ( Have you notice I ramble and rant incessantly? )
• Today is “Bring Your Daughter/Son to Work Day”. We have one pre-teen bopping around the office. I don’t do children especially those who misbehave or have pudding all over their face. I don’t find it cute.
• What do I find cute? The Via Spiga sling backs I bought for work last night and my brother surprised me with some yummy summer perfume by Nautica - My Voyage. I will add it to the collection. I am not allowed to buy perfume since I have 2384923478932 bottles adorning my dresser but I couldn’t turn down an impromptu gift from my brother who rarely even buys me a birthday present!
• My mother used my shoulder to soak up her tears last night. Post to come.
• I highly recommend Eat Pray Love especially for those who just recently lost a love. Post to come.
• My work BFF is back after having her gall bladder removed this past Thursday. Needless to say she only worked a half day but still she is back! I have missed her tremendously. Im truly blessed to work with not only one but two BFFs!! Woman can be so damn catty especially in the workplace.
• Say Yes To Carrots hand cream is absoulutely fantabulous. Go out and buy some.