I have got some awesome news for you Chicago bloggers who want a convenient affordable natural looking airbrush tan.
 
As we all know my baby sister went to her 1st high school dance over the weekend (insert awwwwws as necessary) looking fabulous and what added to her fabulousness?  An airbrush tan leaving her looking like she just had a long vaca in Cali.
 
Let me get my bad review over with first.
 
I booked an appointment with Illusion Tan Illinois on Wednesday for an appointment the upcoming Friday at 9 am.  Illusion Tan emailed my sister with the guidelines of what she could and couldn’t do 24 hours beforehand.  I felt everything was in check.  I received a hysterical call from my sister at 10:30 am on Friday that the airbrush “professional” had yet to show up.  My sister called and did not receive an answer, as did I.  We also left numerous voicemails.  We did not even receive a telephone call back apologizing.  I am still waiting for the apology.
 
This left me with an upset sister who refused to go to homecoming pale.  Ya… We are pretentious like that.  I perused Craig’s List beauty services section and found Sandra who was beyond understanding with the bind we were in.  She assured me she would be able to be at my house by 7pm and for $39 my sister would look like a glowing beauty.
 
She delivered as promised.  She also text messaged me that she was going to be a couple minutes late! 
 
She has definitely gained a few more customers.  I am booking a tanning party before Halloween and for $30 you can also be a bronzed beauty.  Yup… I said $30.  She runs a special for tanning parties and when 5 or more people are airbrushed the cost drops from the already affordable $39 to $30.
 
Let me know if you’re interested in attending!
 
I’m sure you’re curious as how it’s done.  To put it simple, she pops open a tent of some sort and starts airbrushing leaving no mess when she leaves.
 
Kudos to Sandra!

You can contact her @ sandra_glad3@yahoo.com

Here is a pic of my sister right after the tan.  She darkened the following day.  Pure perfection!

From:  Head of HR
To:  All employees
Subject:  t-shirts

Usually when we have jeans day, t-shirts are not permitted. However, due to the nature of tomorrow’s jeans day, “nice” t-shirts are OK.

This does NOT include: muscle shirts, see-through tops, tank tops, super tight, or shirts with offensive language and pictures. Oh, sorry if I disappointed some of you…..

Damnit… I was going to wear

The Blackhawks game I attended on Tuesday was full of DILFs.  MILFs are similar to DILFs if you didn’t catch on.

I ran into an acquaintance of mine who I talk to via email every couple of months. In any event, she was there with her husband and a few of her husband’s friends.
 
I received an email Wednesday morning from this acquaintance asking me if she could give a guy they were with my email address or telephone number.  Her words, “He thinks you are cute and even more adorable with the 3 munchkins you brought to the game.  No worries he doesn’t want you to have babies and he is a real great guy.”
 
I started chatting with him via email and he truly is a really nice guy, or seems to be but there is one big piece of info my friend left out and that being he has 3 children with the oldest being 13 years old*.  He wants to find a girl who doesn’t want kids because he has 3 of his own!!
 
Really?  I don’t like children.  Alright, that’s harsh. I don’t work well with children and have a hard time realizing they have wants and needs.
 
We exchanged MySpace pages.  His page is full of cutesy pictures, well cutesy to those who find children cute and my page is full of drunken pictures of me with my tits hanging out.
 
As of today, we have plans to go out for drinks on Saturday**.  Yup, the divorcee who is the father of 3 children and I are planning to go out for drinks.  The good thing is he must really be able to deal with immaturity well and that puts me in a good position because I am quite immature.
 
*Do the math people.  I am twenty-six in case you forgot.  I also have three siblings under the age of 14.
 
**This is not his weekend to have his kids! 

Put it this way:
 
If you’re off to set sail across the Atlantic ocean and you leave without expecting any rainy days then you will never make it across the ocean to your destination.   You will fail.
 
If you’re off to set sail across the Atlantic ocean prepared for all rainy days then you will never enjoy the trips and the rewards that come from the risks.
 
If you’re off to set sail across the Atlantic prepared for rainy and sunny days you will enjoy the trip and all of its risks and rewards.

I wake up to “Why does L have a landing strip on her vajayjay?” says my little sister.
 
“WHAT are you talking about?” I say in a groggy still drunk tone looking down to see that I in fact do not have any pants on and no I will not describe the fashion my vajayjay is kept.
 
Whowouldathunkit??  I wasn’t wearing any pants.  It’s a shame this did not shock my sister.
 
It just so happens my BFF L, who I remind you is also my brother’s GF of 9 years sauntered into my house sans pants at 5 am Sunday into my front room where my sister was having a sleepover with two of her BFFs.
 
Boy… These little girls learned all about the upkeep of the Pikachu.
 
After I was shoveled into bed on Saturday night, L and J (brother) decided they needed some more and went to the local late night watering hole for more fun and games.
 
L’s drunken self decided it would be a good idea to take off her shorts and saunter like a model on a runway all the way back to my house which is approximately 3 blocks.
 
She was wearing white shorts sans a thong.
 
Sassy!  To be honest I couldn’t be more proud of her drunken high jinks.  I blush with pride.
 
All of my friends like to get drunk and naked, I consider myself a lucky gal.
 
In any event, she was not very proud when notified of the debauchery she caused with proof on my brother’s cell phone.   My brother attempted to tackle her and begged her to put her pants back on.  She wasn’t having it.
 
She hid her face in shame exclaiming “This is something you would do…not me!!”  She then let me in on the fact that I did not want to keep my pants on earlier that night while walking with them around my ankles in the attendant supervised parking lot.
 
After L and I sobered up from the nights shenanigans we threw on some huge ass tortoise sunglasses and set mission.
 
Pikachu bearer and I took my little sister as promised homecoming dress shopping at Oak Brook mall. 
 
Note:  Oak Brook mall is not the mall you should go to when hungover unless you wear your slippers and dark sunglasses.  There is too much walking and seeing its outdoor the sun shines down on you like the heat in hell causing a more intense nauseated dizzy feeling.
 
After going to BEBE, Lord & Taylor, Macy’s, White House Black Market, Cache, Neiman Marcus, and Macys we found her dress.  Where you ask?  EXPRESS!  Paired with a classy pair of suede peep toe pumps and you have perfection!
 
My sister is going to be the hottest most fashionable bitch at homecoming.  I’m really hoping she doesn’t ask my Mom to get her Pikachu waxed for the event, it was bad enough she brought home pink leopard thongs due to L and I ravaging Express’s panty sale.  Ironic after the nights occurrence huh?
 
Perhaps… We I can learn to wear them and we both can learn to keep them on in public.  That would be nice.

I woke up to the Blackberry chiming Bacci’s vet appointment was set to occur in 15 minutes.  I slid out of bed and threw on some pants because we all know K never keeps her pants on after a drunken’ binge.  I don’t bother taking off the shirt I went out in and passed out in or taking a look at myself in the mirror because I know it will be a big ol’ disappointment of matted hair and day old makeup.
 
Bacci gives me the look “Mom you are a drunken fool and if you keep us these shenanigans I am going to eat your Cole Hahn’s”.

I scoop up Bacci and my evening clutch and head over to the vet with a half liter gallon of water in hand. 
 
I put Bacci on the table almost tipping over and looking like the most negligent drunken puppy mommy the vet has ever seen.
 
Unbelievably, I leave without a violation for drunken puppy parenting.
 
The afternoon was spent with my bestest L and Jax watching wedding shows and eating Jason’s Deli.  Unbelievably, I fought the hangover and was feeling obnoxious but good. 
 
We spent the afternoon stalking the front door for L’s Bebe dresses she ordered via overnight delivery that she planned to wear that night to Stone Lotus.
 
I also learned my BFF has a blankie.  Proof is in the puddin’
 

Then there is Jax holding a child’s toy wand and L and I looking at each other and just thinking “sex toy”.  Why?  Jax was holding it.     

Let’s make up excuses for my wild ass weekend… K?
 
Thinking… Thinking harder
 
There are no excuses for the drunken debauchery I decided to create this weekend.
 
The first step is admitting when you are “that girl”.  The drunken fool.  I am afraid I am “that girl” a large percentage of the time or whenever alcohol is involved.
 
It all began on Friday when my cousin decided to cancel her own birthday get together.  Who does that?  My vagabond borderline college student cousin, that’s who.
 
L and I were all gussied up to paint the western suburban tavern red when she called us and told us she was going to stay in and sleep.
 
“You filthy rotten whore” is what I wanted to say but I do indeed love her and L stopped me from doing the rash.
 
L and I decided we were really not dressed to go downtown but what the fuck and got into the ol’ rental car headed for the Viagra Triangle.  Yes… the Viagra Triangle is where the cougars roam and us not being of cougar status it’s a surprise we were not skinned to give a cougar a new coat.
 
We started off by meeting El at Level for some type of European disco event complete with a couple famous Greek DJs. We all know how I love the Greeks.
 
El pissed me off and now back to happier things; vodka, dancing, and dead babies.
 
We pounded Goose & Tonics like it was our job and met a couple fancy characters including a Sicilian who could barely speak English.  We all know that’s how I like ‘em.
 
He talked like Borat and danced like Belkie, it was quite obnoxious and a total turn on.  You should have heard him say “blue mother fucker”.  Then again what wouldn’t turn on a girl who hasn’t had sex in 9 months… seriously. 
 
After we tore through Level like Tasmanian Devils on blow, L and I decided we were probably too cool and headed down Rush looking for another location to harass.
 
We wound up on Jilly’s stoop.  Jilly’s brings back the good times for me. I sipped my first underage illegal Sex on the Beach there when I was 18 years old and my first and only glass of Cristale. 
 
We scooped up some shots and hit up the dance floor for some 80’s music and old men.  I mean OLD enough to be my grandfather and are anxiously wanting to get a little Viagra loving on.
 
Back to the streets we go…
 
Some bouncer roped us into PS Chicago with free drinks.  They know the way to our heart… vodka. L forced me to dance with someone of middle eastern decent who smelled of spices from the orient.  He also kept telling me to grind on him.  No thanks I save my grinding for the lady sipping the lemondrop martini over there!  I said as I pointed to Liz in a tantalizing drunken sex goddess away.
 
As sexy as “that girl” can be when intoxicated which I promise you is everything but sexy.
 
This is where I decided I wanted to makeout with a professional canoer who happened to be there with his canoe agent and also happened to be happily married with a child but definitely willing to lay me down on a hotel bed and have his way.
 
Oh heavens!
 
I think this is where the lights go out at PS Chicago and I black out.  Yup… Sounds about right.
 
The last thing I remember is parading down Rush street with a couple of old men who tried to find an open bar to buy us a drink at.  We directed them to hit up Leg Room without us and scooped up the car from valet.
 
This is where L claims I dug into my shirt and ripped the tape supporting my boom booms off of my alarmed skin.  This possibly could have been the 1st form of public flashing of the weekend.  Yes, I said 1st.
 
I’m classy like that.
 
No worries, L drove home.  
 
To Be Continued for more “that girl” shenanigans. 

-N called me out of the blue during my morning commute.  As I have mentioned in the past we had been fighting but I realized quickly my life wasn’t the same without him and our small fight wasn’t worth losing him as a friend.
 
He is just as crazy as I, and I need that to prove my mental state isn’t that off the meter.
 
In any event, he apologized and he then told me I was the auntie to a new pup.  I have been begging him to get a pup for Bacci to play with and he did.  Here is Josephine the Italian Greyhound.  She goes by Joey and is freaking adorable.  N promised me we can get their pictures taken together but he also warned me I can dress Joey up but no pink.
 
Blah.

-My work BFF EM is getting married.  I thought something was up when she was spending a little too much time at Archivers and was a little hush hush about life.
 
I jokingly told her last week that if she planned to move back in with her exbf and was sending announcements that I had better hear about it in person and not from the postman.
 
It’s just a complete shock because she is getting married to the guy she was dating for 2-years and had a restraining order put in place 2-monts ago.
 
In any event, he took us out to lunch yesterday and professed his love for her and apologized to me for having to deal with the repercussions of his out of control behavior.
 
This was nice… I give him that and as I told her I will keep an open mind and after all it is her future.
 
I truly believe she deserves the best and hope he is able to give her the happy life she deserves.
 
The wedding will be in Vegas on December 26th  followed by a reception back in Chicago.  She really wants me to witness but I doubt I will be able to attend the ceremony in Vegas.  I was kind of glowing when she wanted me to be there to witness the ceremony seeing we have only been friends, super close friends for the past year.  It makes me fuzzy inside knowing just how great of a friend she thinks I am.
 
This is her 2nd marriage.  She married at 17yo and had 2 kids who are now 8 and 13.  She is only 30 and I would like to do something special for her.  Ideas? 
 
-I finally returned my rental car and have my own car again.  I own it.  I bought a 2003 Stratus. It is cute and I am only asking it last me 2 years until I save up for a nice hybrid.
 
I’m content.
 
-I did the unimaginable and took 3 kids all under the age of 15 to the Blackhawks game against Columbus.  Are you kidding me K?  Nope. I am not. 
 
It was a good time but the highlight was running into Rachel.  A very random blogging meetup but a meetup gosh damnit cuz I met Diana.  Yup… you know her the star of Rachel’s blog.  She is cuter than ever.  I would also like to let Rachel know that my sister said “Is that your friend?  She is a very pretty Mom!!” 
 
Damn right!
 
All in a day’s work bitches!

There was no Therapy Tuesday post because I was sick and unfortunately that meant I was too under the weather to attend my weekly therapy session.
 
This makes me nervous…  I am shaking in my Cole Hahn’s.
 
I also just found out I will be at loss of this week’s therapy session because I will be attending a pre-season Blackhawk’s game.
 
This makes me REAL nervous…
 
So nervous I popped a 1mg of Ativan rather than the usual .50 mg .  Not a big deal but a clear-cut sign my nerves are getting the best of me.
 
I feel like a tight rope walker and I am not very graceful.  If anything I lack grace completely.
 
I sit here on the cusp of happy and fulfilled one moment and then on the cusp on anger and emptiness.
 
It’s a ledge I want off of.

Remember back when…
 
I claimed I would never become a crazy puppeh mommy?
 
I lied or I failed whichever sounds better.
 
I am crazy with a capital “C” when it comes to my sweet little Bacci.
 
Bacci turns 5 months later this month!  I can hardly believe it.  He has his last round of puppy booster shots on Saturday which means one more vet visit this year (fingers crossed) to get snipped and chipped.
 
Throughout my 3 months of puppeh mommy life I have found quite a few products that have fallen in love with.
 
I have had the best of luck with his puppy food by Wellness.  I think it’s a great find for Bacci’s mini tummy and leaves plenty of cash for mommy’s shoe fetish.   What I don’t understand is how the hell it’s possible to purchase 10 bags of the food in a year in order to get 1 free?  It’s not possible, Bacci is not a Great Dane.
 
Zukes! These treats were mess free when it came to training treats for puppy kindergarten.  While all of the other puppy mommy’s were busy breaking apart a tube of Natures Balance I just popped out a Zuke.  Mini size for a mini belly and mommy’s hands don’t smell like dog food leftovers from breaking treats apart.  They are also ALL NATURAL.

This little number from the container store.  It’s perfect for puppy’s who don’t consume a lot of food and go on weekend getaways.  What attracted me its convenience or cuteness?  I am all about the cuteness.
 
West Paw Design. Bacci’s first bed was from them and he loves their toys. Go check ‘em out.  They dont discriminate against small dogs.  Their toys are the perfect size for Bacci.

Bacci and I also love his fashionable copper name tag from this Etsy shop!

John Paul Pet Full Body & Paw Wipes have been fantastic after Bacci runs around Puptown and needs a quick clean up before lunch and of course a cocktail for Mommy!

Yes… Bacci also has the above.

You didnt think I was going to have a puppeh post without a picture of my handsome little man did you?