I know I havent been posting updates on a daily even weekly basis on my running progress but I am trotting along and not giving up. 

I recently purchased a running - accelerator watch from REI and realized it wasnt for me and would like to give it away here on the bloggy.  It has been used once.

You can learn more about it here.  I just ask that you enter in the comments and spread the news about the giveaway. 

I will be drawing a winner on November 11th.

An end to a hiatus?

I definitely hope so.  The only internet communication I have been indulging in over the last two weeks has been twitter.

If you havent begun living in twitterverse, I caution you thats its the worst internet addiction I have ever posessed.

What’s new?

A whole damn lot.  I am unsure where to start or even to bother recapping.  Perhaps, I should just retitle my blog to “Single Unemployed Vodka Drinking Cat Woman To Be”

It’s catchy.  No?

In any event.  I am unemployed.  I got the ol’ heave hoe at the corporate 9-5′er that paid for my over indulgence in shoes and all things alcohol related.

They offered me a box for my belonging but I stuffed all things worth saving into my big ol’ Coach purse and said adieu with my eyes swollen with tears.

Thats all for now.  I am not jumping back into this whole bloggy blog world guns blazing.  I would rather have a few rounds of shooting practice beforehand.

I leave you with an idea of the shape I have been in the past couple of weeks. I figure you will feel some sort of pain for me and if not you will definitely feel sorry for me.

Do I like the look of empty prescription pill bottles?
 
I stare at the empty translucent orange bottles of Ativan and Lexapro. On a monthly basis I fight with myself and my better reasoning.  I don’t want to depend on the tiny little pills for the rest of my life.  I belittle myself for having to depend on them.  They are not a want but a need.  I sometimes am in such a deep mood of self-deprecation that I will not refill them until I have my 1st mental breakdown which usually happens after 5 days without them.  I believe I am in control of the pills when I refuse to refill them but I slowly lose control.  I know it’s nonsense and yet just another mind trick of reckless behavior my mind thrives on.
 
When did my life become dependent on these monthly filled prescriptions? 
 
My life has been controlled or rather under the control of antidepressants and benzodaipines since I was in high school. 
 
I remember the elevator ride up to the 3rd floor, the long wait in the small waiting room, staring at all those who waited trying to guess just how “crazy” each person was, the large desk he sat at with his balding head and middle eastern accent, the question “how are the meds working?”, and how quickly he wrote the prescription in his illegible handwriting.
 
I am not sure why or when I stopped seeing my 1st psychiatrist.  I began seeing my primary care doctor for my little brown/orange pills that went by the name Effexor.
 
I then stopped cold turkey.  I felt my life did not need these magical pills and my life was no longer going to spiral out of control.
 
I was wrong.  I slowly spiraled out of control.  The spiral began with an abusive relationship and ended with an overdose.  Intermingled between the abusive relationship and overdose were bouts of erratic behavior, panic attacks, periods of starvation, periods of binge eating, reckless driving, and the list goes on.  I lost friends, alienated myself from family, and eventually lost myself and who I was.
 
I am beginning to realize this is a path I do not want to go down again…

LE SIGH.  I hurt.  I am in pain.  How the hell do people run marathons?  I am convinced they have superhero powers.

I have been on target.  My hungover ass even ran/walked on Saturday.

Congrats to Heidi and MG for completing their runs this weekend.  Amazing girls!!

or clubs, lounges, parties, or any other function involving the consumption of alcohol.
 
My ability to make an ass out of myself is very high.  Throw me in a cell with a fifth of Grey Goose and I will put on a show.  I will be as entertaining as the monkey house at Brookfield. 
 
I stopped up at the local tavern for a drink or 2 or 3.  It was a friend’s birthday, not really a friend perhaps an acquaintance because honestly my friends do no celebrate their birthday’s at dive bars.  I kept that to myself, smiled, and wished a happy birthday.
 
I was in “rare form” as my bestest described but in reality I was bored and amusing myself.
 
The highlight of the night was acting like the biggest ass on the Southside and then Jax telling me the guy she was with works at my 1st job which I worked at from age 15 to 23 and has already heard a lot about me.  Well now he gets to go to work and air some more of my shenanigans to my old coworkers, bosses, and friends.
 
Yup… let them know I am still as obnoxious as ever.
 
My Friday plans were supposed to involve getting FroYo with the DILF but things didn’t pan out that way.  I cancelled the plans via text message and he seemed fine with it. 
 
I ended the night early and retired in bed textversating with mister.  Thank goodness I was coherent to an extent and didn’t say anything too ridiculous.
 
Although, I did tell him I don’t like connecting to guys on an emotional level.  What the fuck?
 
I woke up early Saturday morning for my run which was fabulous.  I wasn’t hungover, just feeling tired and it was great to get out and run in such nice weather.  After greasing up my hair with sweat I headed over to get my hair “did”.
 
It looks fabulous and I have found a new stylist close to home.  SCORE!
 
I spent the remainder of Saturday napping and resting up my feet for a night of dancing in celebration of L’s brother’s 21st.
 
Thank goodness I had 2 Red Bull and Vodkas before I left the house because L decided to slam my pinkie and forefinger in the car door as we were parking.  She had to reopen the door to release them.
 
The pain was unbearable but you know what fixed it?  4 free drinks at Sound Bar did the trick
 
I was in a very aggravated mood with my cousin’s boyfriend who is lamer than lame and she is obnoxious as I.  Therefore, I couldn’t stand him and I don’t think he had a good night therefore I doubt he will be going out with us again!
 
I drink quicker when aggravated.
 
This is where things get blurry.
 
I remember getting into a cab to go to Republic,  I remember dancing a lot at Republic, I remember drinking a lot at Republic.
 
I do not remember starting a tab therefore I am ID and credit card less for the 3rd time this year from opening up a tab and never closing out.  It’s my MO.  The girl who has IDs floating all over the Chicago club scene.  I wonder how many underage girls are using my ID.
 
I do not remember being lost for 30 minutes and L finding me outside by the smokers trying to make friends with a couple of people who didn’t speak English.  L was not pleased.
 
I do not remember harassing a taxi driver.
 
I do not remember opening up the car door as L drove down Lake Shore Drive asking her if we could stop at the beach.
 
I do not remember taking numerous cam pics of myself and sending them to mister.
 
I do not remember sending my grandmother cam pics of my cousin and I clinking glasses with our tits falling out of shirts.
 
Sunday was not spent relaxing but rather in a comatose state from the large consumption of alcohol I consumed in 48 hours.  I caught up on Californication and cuddled with Bacci who gave me the evil “Mom… you’re such a drunk asshole” look.
 
Here I am at work Monday.  I woke up late.  I have no cash for lunch nor a debit card.  My hair is in kinks. 
 
I look like hell because I of my enjoyable drunken weekend.

have I ate everything but the kitchen sink today..

4 mini spinach egg tortes
2 Fiber One Pop Tarts
½ vegi burrito bol from Chipotle
6 BBQ meatballs 
 
I’m off to roam the pasture…

I’ve been on target with training.  I ran another 1.5 miles Wednesday and walk/ran 1.5 miles on Tuesday.  I also did a mile on the elliptical yesterday to kick my ass even more than it had already been kicked.
 
Today is a rest day which I have spent getting allergy shots, doing loads and loads of laundry, and tanning.  I feel so damn rested!  (sarcasm)
 
I decided I am running outside tomorrow.  I am expanding my running horizons!  I also cannot stand another day at the gym. Some of the sights I see are just frightening.  The man sweating the Atlantic River in fluids on the Stairmaster in front of me did it yesterday.
 
Puke factor?  HIGH!
 
Cheers to another 1.5 mile tomorrow!

When Harry met Sally dealio…
 
I’m talking to N again.  I think I mentioned that. 
 
I owe everyone a little background synopsis of our friendship.  I sometimes contemplate if it is a complex boy/girl friendship or an extremely true boy/girl friendship.
 
I met Nick with the intention of a relationship evolving.  We both had that intention.  His pickup line?  “Why aren’t you on stage…. For the Miss America Pageant”.  I love coy assholes.  He was and is a coy asshole.
 
I will never forget the 1st night we went out on a date and he texted me beforehand “No matter what happens promise me we will remain friends.” I made that promise. The promise was made 4 years ago and we are still friends. I’m not sure why but nothing evolved as planned and we just left it at that. No discussion.  Things were kept quiet.  Possibly because we became friends so quickly and were both frightened of the fact that we were in too deep and didn’t want to lose the friendship we held so close.
 
Through our 4-year friendship we have cried to each other and wiped away each other’s tears.  We have each endured a painful breakup and helped each other get through it with a “suck it up” mentality.  We have had our fights but picked our battles.  He has seen me at my worst as I have seen him at his worst.  He has sent me flowers on the Valentine’s Days that I spent single, accompanied me to work functions when a date was necessary, and has been my +1 whenever needed.  We tell each other everything.  He was one of the first I told about my backseat adventure and I am the first he calls after a wild sexcapade, which he has many.
 
I have friends who tell me he wants more than a friendship and I have friends that tell me I want more than a friendship. I beg to differ.  Although, I am the first to joke that he will be the man I marry.
 
Our friendship is interesting to say the least.  We show how much we care about each other through sarcasm.  It’s odd.
 
On my commute to work today we were talking via cell phone (how do I love that all of my friends have AT&T?) and I noticed once of my favorite Italian bistros was opening a new restaurant miles from my house!  I was so psyched and really wanted to message ExAss to tell him seeing this was one of our favorite places.  We celebrated our 1st anniversary there and he actually met my father there for the first time.  I voiced this out loud to Nick.  His response was something I didn’t see coming and was not said in his usual sarcastic tone.
 
“You know K, you both were together for 2-years and you will forever have memories and instances that remind you of those 2-years, as will he.  What you need to do is visit Blockbuster, rent When Harry Met Sally, and realize the man of your dreams might be right in front of you.”
 
Wait a minute… Screech!
 
I avoided the whole damn thing and began to ask how my niece, Joey the Italian Greyhound was doing.
 
I wonder…

As I mentioned in my last Therapy Tuesday post - no therapy for me this week.

I have been doing okay.  I really think it has a lot to do with my new running regimen.

I found this article on Runners World. 

What do you think?

Perhaps running will also help me save money on therapy.  Gosh… I should have tried this running things years ago.

Day 5 - I walked for 30 minutes nothing strenuous but I was dying from my 1mi run on Friday.  LE SIGH!  I noticed my huffing and puffing was diminishing.

Day 6 - REST! 

Day 7 - I ran 1.5 miles today at the treadmil.  I stopped once or twice to catch my breath but for the most part the pain in my legs was the hard part.

I did it though!! I did it.  I like the way that sounds.