I thought a lot before I really “wrote” this post.

Am I going to come across as a snotty bitch that just wants to show off her loot?

Christmas for me wasn’t as bad as my previous blogs may have projected. I had an amazing Christmas full of liquor and gifts! Oh yes, family, friends and food also.

I am somewhat ashamed to admit that this was my 1^st Christmas to realize how fortunate I was to have a Christmas such as I did when there are children that do not receive A present from “Santa” underneath the tree, that is, if they are fortunate enough to have a tree glimmering in their living room, that is, if they are lucky enough to have a living room.

My brother and I hustled and bustled our asses, with L in tow of course, to my Father’s house to open gifts with my immediate family which include my Father, his wife, and my 2 youngest sisters. We do this before my Aunt’s house where Christmas Eve is held and every year we are late for my Aunt’s. This did not change for Christmas of 2008.

I demanded martinis, the girls ushered me around the 12 ft Christmas tree pointing out their favorite ornaments, and tons of pictures were taken of the girls and Bacci. I think he might have replaced me and my Father’s dog, Flip the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel seein in the background of this pic.

We exchanged gifts.

I half drunkenly walked out of my Father’s house with a Microsoft optical mini mouse, laptop, I-pod, and 4 in 1 printer.

Christmas Eve at my Aunt’s house was wholesome. I stole L’s glass of Pinot Grigio at the dinner table, after downing my 1^st glass and didn’t have much time to eat besides my Aunt’s delicious tortellini soup. I had a mission - Christmas cookies and more alcohol.

The rest is full of Christmas carols, family pictures, and from what I hear me taking shots with my cousin’s in the back room because shots of vodka are not really part of my family’s tradition but I am pretty sure my cousin’s and I are changing that real quick. It’s a good thing I am the eldest and such a fantastic role model.

The Christmas carols and family pictures really didn’t occur but I didn’t want to see like that big of a floozy. I then remembered you all know the truth.

I blacked out on Christmas Eve. Silly enough I woke up with my pants on but comfy socks I did not recognize.

I woke up the following morning with get this… my pants on and comfy socks I didn’t recognize. I later found a new leather laptop bag and a couple gift cards spewed around in my purse. All gifts I must have gathered at my Aunt’s house. This is also when I found out my car was stuck in my Father’s driveway because it wouldn’t start.

I was woken up by my 14 year old sister at 8 am the next morning because we all know she couldn’t wait to open up her gifts and my 9 year old brother wasn’t that far behind her.

The gift of the morning was the Family Wii with oodles and oodles of games and accessories. My step dad received an electric guitar. He has never played guitar. Can you say crisis?

I received a ton. See below.

Including the J.Crew Sherpa Fleece I had my eyes on, this coolio sinus pack because we all know my sinuses hate me, and a digital picture frame which is not pictured!  My Mom also bought L and Jax the slippers pictured.  They are so comfy.  We will definitely be rocking them out while drunk back at the hotel on the 1st day of 2009!

My Mom loves buying pajamas.  Similar to E’s mother’s affection for undergarments.

I got the JCrew Sherpa fleece I had my eye on, a neato cold/hot/aromatherapy for my whacked sinuses, and the other goodies in the pic.

My Mom obviously wants my ass at the gym in 2009. 

I am not going to lie. I spent the majority of Christmas Day in my bedroom because I was dehydrated and hung-over.

I made it to dinner which was served at around 6ish. The hangover was finally lifting at this point. Yes, it was that bad. I gorged and bonded with family over Mom’s lasagna.

This completes K’s Christmas recap.

“Santa” was good to me this year. See below.

I thanked “Santa” by chewing on Mommy’s tasty $175 Cole Haans that she planned on wearing out on NYE. My little way of attempting to keep her away from the bottle. See below.

Merry Christmas Mommy!

Notes from Mommy -I was very hesitant to feed Bacci the Beggin Strips but I figured it was Chritmas.  If I can binge on my many vices then so can he.  I kid you not, he acted like the dog in the commercials.  Beggin Strips are crack.  He will be shunning the organic treats in no time. 

Also, Pet Head by Bed Head is awesome and I am not saying that because of its cute packaging or the fact that I am a pretentious shampooer.  I used it today and Bacci loved it and did not roll around on the carpet as much itching like a crack fiend.

Daddy issues? Yup. This bitch has them. It was one of the main topics when I was going to therapy regularly but one of my besties often told me to “put the daddy issues aside” when something else needed attention and if you are a regular reader of this blog then you know I suffer from plenty of other issues. I have a neatly packed basket full of them. I just wish I had more control over the issues I decide to bring out of the basket.

I’ve always known that I had Daddy issues.

I found myself demanding a STRONG drink in my Father‘s kitchen this Christmas Eve. L pointed out that I actually pouted and stomped my stilettos on his hardwood floor.

Unfortunately, I have been known to stomp my feet and pout my lips in all of my adult relationships past.

I am probably known as the exgirlfriend who pouted and threw tantrums.

If I have any male readers… I’m single!

MARTINI NOW! I want cherries and an umbrella. I got them.

Christmas has come and gone.  I am planning to post all the goodies I received in a post to come but stumbled upon this on the web and it has left me not having a reaction.  What do you think?

I am all about the personal cleansing wipes but Im not sure I would take my hygeine past that.

8:30 am - Rolled out of bed for personal training, swallowed a Fiber One bar and threw on workout attire. 

8:45 am - Car is stuck and not moving AT ALL.  Cancel personal training.

9:00 am - Go back to bed.

2:00 pm - Wake up.

2:30 pm - Tweet from bed.  Decide I am hungry, retreat to the kitchen, grab 4 fried ravioli and eat them in bed. 

3:30 pm - Take bath and get dressed into the pair of pajamas I wore the night before.  Tweet.  Bribe younger brother and sister to try and dig my car out of the snow/ice/slush bank its situated in.  They failed.

3:45 pm -Log onto MySpace to switch into my other personality “stalkarella”.  Realize Dutch deleted me off his friend’s list.  This kind of hurts considering I texted with him when drunkiez on Saturday and things were “fine”.

4:00 pm -  Defense mechanisms go up.  Decide to delete all prospective men or past men out of my blackberry and off of my MySpace.

4:15 pm - Brother comes home from work and gets my car out of the mess it was in.  Thank effing goodness.

4:30 pm - Receive a text message from one of the guys I deleted.  Unsure who exactly it was so decide to not answer.

5:00 pm -Eat fattening remnants of an order of cheese fries in my fridge while standing at the kitchen counter.

5:15 pm -Spot Bacci sleeping so comfortably on my unmade bed.  Decide to join him and fall asleep.

8:00 pm -Wake up and remember a new episode of John and Kate Plus 8 is on.  Cry because I am an emotional basket-case.

9:00 pm -Become emotional because none of the guys I deleted on MySpace have noticed or just have yet to say anything.

10:00 pm - Watch Little People Big World.  Cry my eyes out because Mike died.

I am now off to swallow some Ativan in hopes I sleep at night as the majority of the United States does.

*Please note:  I am probably missing some intermittent tweets.

My days need to change.  The above is not normal.  I’m going back to starving until NYE and trying to function as a normal adult does.

I turned twenty-seven over the weekend.  Actually, today because I am dating this post back to my birthday, December 20th.  Archive reasons!

Twenty-Seven random things that occurred on December 20, 2008:

1.      I burned 400 calories on the elliptical

2.      I bought myself a tanning package to attempt to darken my “Casper” looking self.  I thought I was done with the bronze winter look but I’m not. 

3.      DYE job!  My hair is back to its dark chestnut brown.  I also think I found a new stylist.  Now only if she doesn’t run away like the other 2 potential stylists I have found in 2008.

4.      Chicago was blessed with RIDICULOUS weather.  The average temp for the day was 7.6 degrees and the snow did not stop falling.

5.      My Mom made me 27 cupcakes all topped with homemade white icing and pink sprinkles!

6.      Bacci helped me blow out my candles.

7.      My besties and I spent an hour driving around Lincoln Park in a snowstorm trying to find parking for our “original” destination of Vida Lounge.  Vida Lounge get VALET!

8.      Neither Jax nor I freaked out but rather played it “cool”.  We are very impatient people.  We immediately high five each other after we decided to get back onto 90-94 and change up the destination.

9.      Needless to say we hightailed it to Cafe Iberico after an hour of no luck in the parking spot department.

10.  I received a pair of hot gold Guess shoes from my bestie L. See! See!  Also. pictured is my Lola Martini Glass “Its 5′oclock Somewhere” that I got from Jax.

11.  Jax also armed me with what she calls “Single Girl Clutch” and L adorned me with a Givenchy Face on the Go Kit.  They look awesome but ..

12.  Look at how effing fun they are opened!

13.  Us 3 girls breezed through 2 full pitchers of Sangria in record time.

14.  We ordered 6 tappas and had lots of leftovers.

15.  My besties suprised me with an orgasm in my mouth. Hello… go right now and try Cafe Iberico’s BIZCOCHO BORRACHO! 

16.  We spent 20 minutes deciding if our next destination would be Moda or Manor.   We eventually decided on Moda.

17.  The first round of drinks consisted of 3 Bacardi Diets and 3 lemondrop shots.  That’s how we do!

18.  A guy “accidentally” spilled L’s drink and made it up to us by purchasing our next 2 rounds of drinks.

19.  We danced a lot.  Per the usual.

20.  We burrowed between 2 HUGE bouncers sheltering us from the violent Chicago winds as we waited for valet to bring around the car.

21.  We decided to go to an after-hours bar near our side of town.

22.  We lasted 5 minutes until we realized it was much too lame and demanded our $15 total in cover back.

23.  Jax got stuck in a snow bank in front of my house.

24.  L attempted to “unstuck” Jax’s car.

25.  My baby brother came to the rescue

26.  I fell asleep without pants.

27.  Definitely one of the best birthdays in my 27 years!

 Waking up on my 27th birthday I wasnt in the best of moods.  I was celebrating without “him” and I wouldnt be cuddled up ending my birthday with him and my fingers, ears, or neck adorned with diamonds.

I wasnt okay with it then but as my birthday drawed to a close I realized the diamonds I had as friends and family were all that mattered.

I am not really fair. 

Remember this?

I didn’t pick a winner for the contest randomly.  I decided to give it to the Modern Gal because she has done such a smashing good job with her running regimen.  She just finished her 2nd 5k!

I promise any future giveaways will be random and I will play by the rules.

I am just the type of person that likes breaking rules from time to time.

P.S.  Long distance running has not reentered my life.  I just dont think its for me and decided I am okay with that.

Chicago.

Where is it?

Bacci wants to know.

Bacci will be extremely pissed* if snow doesnt fall.

I swear this snow storm was a conspiracy to stimulate the economy.  Well, thats what it seemed like during my visit to the grocery store this evening.

*which usually results in Bacci pissing on the carpet right next to Mommy’s bed, in turn Mommy steps in the puddle making her extremely crabby first thing in the morning.

Me and my Kilometer at CHRISTKINDLMARKET at Daly Plaza going on until December 24th.  DO NOT drink the spiced wine if you are allergic to red wine because you will become deathly sick.

This is the only weiner that has come close to my lips this year and one of the two that has ever came near my lips in my lifetime.

I had a deep discussion with Jax the other day in regards to FELLATIO and figured I would do as I usually do and bring the topic at hand to the blog.

I dont do it.  I have in the past.  I probablly sloshed on ExAss’s nob about 5 times in the 2-years we were dating and it was in the second year of our relationship and I was stone cold drunk about 2 of the 5 times.

I dont give head.

No man has ever been strong enough to pull my hair and place their member in my mouth.

I dont enjoy deep throating a summer sausage.

No thanks.  ExAss got it because I loved him and not because I necessarily enjoyed it.  I didnt enjoy it.

Its just not for me and its definitely not something that I enjoy doing.

Jax told me of a friend of hers who actually enjoys it.  I really think the “friend” is full of shit.  The friend says she cant wait to see her boyfriend because she can get down, literally.

Huh?  I just cant imagine someone liking and enjoying being hammered via the mouth.

I mean mad props if you do and perhaps you can persuade me to in the future but I really doubt it.

and let me put the one lie to rest.  I do not give but I have enjoyed oral sexual gratification from men in the past.

You do not have to give to receive.  Dont let them trick you girls!

Join in on the discussion.

NYE is right around the corner.  So much to do before then.  If it matters, I will be spending it at a “dress to impress” party at Navy Pier.

Decide on an outfit - HELP!
Dye hair
Nails/Pedi
FAKE airbrush tan
Shoes
Hairstyle

I have found 2 possible outfits for the night and I would like you to help dress me.

Option Number 1 - Satin Slut:

I know its a bad picture but its an adorable satin dress which I will need to get tailored to a more flattering length of right above my knees.  I am not a dress girl.  My bestest will both be donning dresses.  I dont want to feel left out but I dont want to feel like a tub of lard either.  I hate my belly but am hoping that this dress flatters my 36C’s and camouflages my belly full of vodka.  Thoughts?
Option Number 2 - Velvet Vixen:

Sexy suit?  I hope so.  I am just hoping I get hella more cleavage than the model.  I have yet to try this number on yet because I just ordered it the other day but it should be arriving any day.  I hope.

Thoughts? 

Next item on agenda… shoes!