Life has been crazy.  It’s been a mixture of different types of crazy.

I am crazy in love with Armani. You know what they say… there comes a point in life where you just get it.  I just get it.  I believe.

The homestead is just getting settled but there is a reason a little flag hangs in front of the house reading “Welcome to the NUT HOUSE” with squirrels in a fall scene.  L and I have gotten into numerous heated fights.  In conclusion to that little saga… we will never be friends again.  I will be cordial seeing she is my brother’s girlfriend of 10 years but it will stop there.

I am currently at my Mom’s house sharing a king bed with her for the night because my younger brother is gone for the weekend celebrating his 10 year DATING anniversary with L, Uncle is in the hospital - hoping its nothing too serious but he is in severe pain in his pancreas, and Armani has a birthday party to attend. I still cannot fathom staying at home alone.  I know I can do it but I would rather not.  It’s difficult enough for me sleeping without Armani and I cannot imagine sleeping without Armani and in an empty house.

Oh ya did I mention Armani drives over 1 hour and 20 minutes to sleep with me almost nightly and then wakes to drive to work which is 1 hour and 20 minutes away.  He is indeed crazy.  I am really looking forward to the day, which I hope is very soon that he drives home from work to OUR home.  I am planning on moving out after I hopefully land a job.  Lets keep our fingers crossed???!!!

I’m ready to grow up.  I know sleeping with my Mom doesn’t quite support that fact but I am.  I need to grow.  I cannot grow in the household that I am currently in.

I had a telephone interview today and scored a face to face interview with the company on Monday.

HOLLER!

The job is for a small, and I mean small financial planning company.  The position may not pay as well as my past position, it could be very rewarding in the future.

Keep your fingers crossed o’tay?

In other not so important news I hope to have a bullet style post tomorrow recapping my chaotic life.  Life has been crazy lately and I refuse to let it go undocumented.

What is this pic you ask?  

Its a crane machine where the object is to catch a live lobster.  Its $2 a shot and I am pretty sure Armani wasted about $20 and did not win a live lobster.  If you do win a lobster the restaurant cooks it up for you.

Strange? Odd? Has anyone else seen one of these?

You probably will not understand.  As I cannot even put my thoughts and feelings into words.

Here we go again.  I must stop.  I know this. 

I’m wallowing in three letters, BPD.  I’m going too far again. 

I’ve been acting out lately, wallowing in my personality disorder, taking things too far again. I push the limits because I can.  I take another drink because I can.  I act out looking for approval.  I become a mess at any given moment, even though I really don’t have to be.  I know I have the control but I choose not to use it.That’s just the way I am. Maybe I can change it. I look at myself and ridicule.  I then laugh in that high, sarcastic, crazy way. 

Remaining stagnant is something I cannot be content with.  I attempt to relish in the good that God brings my way.  I then give in.  I crave disruption.  I crave self-deprecation. 

Yup.  This was the jist of the interview I went on this afternoon.  Isn’t the job market flooded with those overqualified for positions?  Shouldn’t employers be jumping on this prime opportunity?

I just don’t get it.  They called me on the interview after seeing my resume.  Was it my perfectly polished ponytail?  I mean my suit wasnt Armani.  It was Ann Taylor for goodness sake!

All I can do is keep keep trying.  It felt good to “be out there” again but I was rather disappointed.  I can’t help but sit here and worry about what and if I do not get a job before my unemployment benefits run out.  I never thought I would be in this situation, as I have never been jobless since I was 15 years old. 

It’s rough.

Precious much?

I decided to call him out.

Click on his mugshot.  I know what you’re thinking.

Also, you can read more about this man sick individual here.

I havent always been afraid of the telephone.  I too was like most teenage girls and spent hours on the phone with friends and used the “three way calling” function.

I think cognitively I have this little phone phobia because of my Dad who usually only calls me when there is a problem or to bitch at me.

I am not really sure when my “phonobia” began.  Im unsure if I would call it a phobia if that.  I do talk on the phone but it is usually either forced or I my anxiety levels are at an extreme low level.

I have decided to begin congratulating myself on the small things I come across because lets be honest this job search is putting a huge damper on my self-esteem. 

First off… I have an interview on Wednesday!  It is not the perfect job and I will probably  not be making nearly as much money as I did at my last job but it is a job.  Ya know?  The thing you go to Monday thru Friday that makes you feel like a member of society?

The little “pat on the back” that comes from that is I answered the telephone to the unknown call.  I would usually let it go to voicemail and then call it back if it was a job opportunity but I answered.

It felt good.

The interviewer then called me back later in the day and I did happen to accidentally miss his call.  He gave me the option of texting, emailing, or calling him back.  I bit the bullet and called him.  He simply wanted to reschedule from Tuesday to Wednesday.

It felt good.

I posted an ad in Craig’s List for a dining room set I am not using.  I received a response and actually called, rather than emailed the woman interested in purchasing the set.  She is coming to take it off my hands tomorrow.

It felt good.

So lets remember to pat ourselves on the back for the small things.  As they can feel as good as the big accomplishments in life.

Do you have any phobias?